February 10, 2010
Are you at cause or effect?
I'm always asking myself this question and I thought it might be useful to share it for others who might get the same benefits I do.
Here's what it means:
1 - Being at 'Effect' means from your perspective, you are experiencing the effect of things happening in the world and you need to be ready at all times to deal with whatever life throws at you. Usually when you're at effect, you have thoughts such as:
"it's tough right now because of the economy"
"other people are making things difficult for me"
"If it wasn't for X, Y or Z…… I'd be more successful"
"If only I had more X, Y or Z….. things would be better"
"I can't see how things are going to turn out well for me"
"Success isn't coming my way"
"My boss is making my life hell"
"My partner is making me unhappy"
These are the things that can go through your mind when you're 'at the mercy' of the world and its challenges.
2 - Being at 'Cause' means you think that you are the cause of the things that happen to you and around you.
In this case your questions are:
"How did I make this happen?"
"What am I doing that's attracting this?
"Why am I choosing to react this way?"
"What is the reason I am choosing to feel this way?"
"Why am I choosing to feel bad about my boss?"
"Why and I deciding to feel bad about my partner?"
"I think the economy will make things harder for my business, so what must I do differently?"
"Why am thinking about negative things instead of positive when I know that's a bad choice?"
"What can I do to put the odds in my favour?"
"What can I do to attract success?"
"How many ways are there that I can get the results I want?"
"Do I have a strategy for getting motivated when I slip into a poor mental state?"
I'm sure you can see the difference - It's HUGE and makes ALL the difference in the world.
If you're struggling with your online business and feeling like 'everything is against you' or 'success isn't coming your way', take a few moments to ask yourself - "What am I doing to attract success to me?" or "How can I change the way I do things so that they're easier and more likely to succeed?"
When you realise that YOU are in control and you create your results (rather than 'they happen to you') you'll stop thinking about why some people seem to have all the luck, and why other people have success - you can be sure they're not getting it by letting it happen to them, they're rolling out the red carpet and turning on the success magnets and attracting it like there's no tomorrow.
The big difference between the two positions if you didn't already spot it a mile away is that from one position you have no power - things happen to you. In the other position you have all the power in the world and there is no situation that leaves you unable to expect a better future.
When I've traveled I've seen people thriving and succeeding in the most diverse situations, that many of us would naturally think would make you give up hope. It can mean the difference between happiness and depression.
In relationships it means you're always in control of your emotional happiness and while you can let people in and be loved, you're under no illusions that you can only be happy if they behave in the right way or do the right things - your happiness is your choice. Happiness is a process where you're constantly deciding whether you want to feel happy - when someone doesn't put out the trash - you only feel bad if you've given yourself a set of rules that says in this situation you should feel bad. The same applies to love - YOU decide to allow yourself to feel loved based on the filters you have.
When you put yourself at 'cause' - you have control of your life and your results.
So, whenever I start to feel bad or worried about something - I just ask myself if I'm at cause or effect. I've been doing it long enough now that as soon as I ask myself I already feel better because I know from past experience that I always end up realising feeling bad isn't the right choice and doesn't make sense.
If you want better results for your business - put yourself at 'cause' and get real about what you're doing and what you expect to be the results of that, and whether you need to rethink or adapt your current strategy.
At the very least - you never need to feel about about it.
Andy
Filed under Success Tips by andy
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Hi Andy
Interesting post.
In some ways this mental approach is logical and a good way to 'frame' your emotional response to whatever life throws at you.
Speaking from my own experience, unhappiness usually stems from the things I cannot change, regardless of my mental approach.
Regards
Tom
Hey Tom,
That's the point though - you don't often have much control over the physical things that come along in life - but you ALWAYS get to choose your reaction to them.
Unhappiness is not like sun-beams that shine on you and affect you - it's a feeling that you have to come up with and maintain in order to have it.
Even if you have an instinctive emotional reaction to something, as soon as it starts your human faculties can be brought into play to control it.
Some people put an elastic band around their wrist and snap it every time they start having negative thoughts, but that's just a retraining aid because you're not born with these fears and insecurities.
When you're born you are instinctively afraid of loud noises and falling - everything else you learn as you grow up and you can learn differently so that you don't go into a disfunctional state when things happen that you don't like.
Andy
Andy
I always took a conscious effort to overcome a negative emotional reaction to some outside event as an attempt to lie to, or misguide, deceive yourself.
Maybe my reframing mechanism is faulty
Definitely.
Actually your comment is interesting though because a lot of people seem to feel that way.
It's like a man with psychological problems not wanting to get help because that means he's failed as a man.
Or a woman who lives on the street after a bankruptcy because although she could easily have gone back to live with her mother, that would mean she's still a girl and not a woman.
People do the weirdest things from a warped position of thinking that helping yourself or getting help is s bad thing.
The reality of things is (IMHO) that there are no good reasons for not making the best of any situation.
We never 'really' know whether something is ultimately good or bad for us - sometimes you break your leg and that seems bad until the plane you were going to get on crashes, then you're glad you broke your leg.
I find it funny that we (people) seem to think we know so much that we can even decide something is good or bad - we don't really know.
So, that being the case - it just doesn't make sense to indulge yourself in negative emotions 'because you think they're justified', and if you want to feel good for no particular reason - why the hell not?
It's all good in my opinion to give yourself as many opportunities to feel good.
You see, this stuff isn't just about you - all of the people around you that you love are better off when you're happy too, so it's pretty selfish to bring them down when there's no need.
Andy